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Some Songs I Wrote In College

by Lena Sutter

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1.
Topside 05:10
I pray that my toes will take root and my limbs will grow lithesome like elm No matter how high god hangs the moon You'll see me kiss the horizon unfurled 'cause branches aren't bothered by the changing of leaves but my bones weigh me down to the bed The choices I make, they are not best for me So I'd rather stand choiceless instead I'd rather be topside my head It would scream in my rings, all that I've seen Oh I could not forgive and forget But my cheap memory remembers clicking of Ts but the vowels are lost in neglect I'd rather be topside my head I give and I give and I give Till my ventricles are overmined pits Only blood shot through my eyes to show for it But I owe yeah I owe yeah I owe More than I could ever requite I could never make this right There's this turquoise I've crushed to inlay in my love So maybe someone would find it worthwhile But heaven knows that it's dark in the folds so the shimmer is modest and mild I have shaped with my hands, I have shaped with my will only one issued opaque regret So flay off my skin and carve me a hull A still life, a silhouette I'd rather be topside my head I dig and I dig and I dig through the wires and the whispers of my pith only blood beneath my nails to show for it But I know yeah I know yeah I know I'll never reach Arcadian bliss I'll always be snared in this head But I pray that my toes will take root I pray, I pray every day for you to stay
2.
I am shaped from northern wind snow's the marrow in my bones and though I ride the southern currents December always pulls me home As a kid I climbed calligraphy trees And I let them write all over me In scars and scabs and hairline fractures I wear them still like beauty queen sashes Like I am still a child playing in the park trading secrets with my first crush like trading cards I am still a child knee deep in a freezing lake no matter the path I choose to take some part of me stays I've been frozen, I've been scalded I've been temperate skies of june but brisk, crisp mornings always brought me back to a hometown icy blue Like I am still a child picking flowers for my mom but I dropped them when i slipped and fell so I cried when I got home I am still a child waist deep in a freezing lake no matter the path I choose to take some part of me stays I see the creatures stare me down from cubicles with sleek grey walls and I scream I am not one of you but I could be soon I am still a child Over my head in the lake
3.
God-gold grass waltzed artless and low I stood tall in that light air By the chalice pond that swallowed the sun And spit out the skies so bare There I watched with eyes auspicious green Now they’re unhinged blue and stone. You said the Midwest suits me best But the south got to my bones The mountains stretch: chipped, antique teeth A primeval cry of praise For a twilight glow, cactus flowers and gold An alluring horizon haze Lungs full up with open sky Now I breathe your dark smoke draft You begged, you begged, you begged come home I gave in at last The whole world felt mine when the blue moon rose Those evenings my release And when the morning dew blessed my toes I thought I was ready to leave Where I lived with buoyant heart Now my chest could sink a ship You say that it’s just of my defects But I’ve faltered in your grip There I was what you craved but lacked Now we live face to face You say that you’ve lost your faith in me Well I’ve just lost my faith
4.
Nightmare 01:02
I'm sorry that you had to see me struck by a single bolt of lightening on the clearest day of spring I know I was supposed to be a steady cliff but I crumpled so weakly made a mess of everything I'm sorry I'm so sick and I'm sorry I'd been weeping I'm sorry for the hours that you should have just been sleeping I hide behind these adjectives and similes and imagery In hopes to dress these massive beasts In maybe something pretty So I will try to make this simple and clear I know I can be a nightmare
5.
Limbless 03:16
My guitar against my chest destructive interference cancelling out these nervous shakes i get and I’m sorry that i’m limbless when i’m out in public i’m sorry, I am sorry I have tried to be whole So I wring my wrists I bite my lip i close my eyes and handle it the feeling that my bones can’t stand my skin wish i was dressed in blue so i could choose between lucid skies and two faced pools to disappear into I’ve said you caused a cavern but now wolves have moved in and god they won’t stop their howlin all i ever needed was to listen now i cant hear nothin but them cryin at the moon I’ve forced all that i can out and though i purse my cursed mouth i’m singing Lua beggin words to dig me out and i wonder if i’ve had better friends then all these unsuspecting men who don’t know they’ve spent a decade singing me to bed god i gotta rest my head I’ve said you caused a cavern but i think it might be endless and the echos of these wolves will go unbounded and all i ever needed was to listen and all i ever needed was to play all i ever needed and i took it away
6.
The pushing pulling bass of your heart snare crack of your knuckles breath a pad of whistling strings you got my tempo doubled Cuz the sound of you alone forgives my sins breaks my bones an apocalyptic birth to everything i’d ever know I’m torn clean through and reassembled opalescent feeling deeper than hell and higher than heaven Endless shades and shimmers of your lips sublime strokes of your hair sculpted for the streets of Rome I’m sure no i cannot help but stare The outright art of you cuts my teeth sets me loose a crux from which to fall but for a moment i thought I flew when i touch ground i’ll climb again the thrill is progression deeper than hell and higher than heaven Oh i think that we’d be good together i don’t think tryin would be too hard with all the keys i sing in for you one must unlock your heart The twisting turning plot line of your eyes alliteration in your lips cathartic lexis of your thought i novel i hope never ends Words you share with me are honesty and entirety the spaces in between are god forsaken dry and empty onyx space between the stars but without void the shine is nonexistant deeper than hell and higher than heaven
7.
Arroyo 04:14
In the belly of December night with mountain edges dusted white the valley echoed soft and low the echoes of the bitter cold On a piñon tree we hung all our clothes The arroyo both beckoned and begged us to go A glimmering ribbon, a threatening rope But you warmed me like sweet wood smoke We plunged, plunged on in Beneath the surface I met you again Like the first time It stole every breath Pins and needles filled my lungs made a break for the bank and started to run My eyelashes froze into sleek silver leaves The snow it fell so heavy on me but oh to love so restlessly In the cold beneath a piñon tree We plunged, plunged on in My fingertips were cigarettes All red and raw An ice blue kiss, my frosty lips your quivering jaw But your night time gaze it gave me shape and the winter paused for my heart ablaze like ghost ranch days in the desert sun When I'm warm and dry in summer That haunting chill still finds me sweet but time it just keeps wandering Like the arroyo through the trees I knew too soon we would split muddy delta would remain We could go on wandering our quiet isolated ways Maybe someday in the ocean two desperate mouths will meet again and we can stop our wandering and just drift along instead
8.
The sunset bathes me in nostalgia For drooping–eyelids, droning daze Construction paper trees outside my window Have kept me kindled in their gaze Juniper gin my radiator For all those april porch light talks Now August’s awful scorch is fading And i’m hooked on hangover huron walks Trespassed dark and basement bars Frozen fights and abstract art Lake drives, the fourth of july Twist top wine goin caffeine blind Climb a tree and praise jack white Concrete feet on fire escape nights I’ve had my messed up muddy, mad And well, Will, I’m still sorry A couple of things coulda turned out pretty bad But im blessed by crust punk banjo matrimony And moleskine books with lukewarm hooks Lipstick lingered from library looks Bangs ablaze, the shit we sang Sundress dreams and sweater schemes Mingle with the memories That i pray i pray i make stay Wait A chapter told in strangest settings Attics parking lots and pits And all these sounds that i could not imagine Now my purest bliss

credits

released October 6, 2017

Written, Performed, Recorded, and Mixed by Lena Sutter
Mastered by Mitchell Graham

Raisin Toast Records, 2017

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Lena Sutter Ann Arbor, Michigan

Ann Arbor based musician fusing a wide range of folk, rock, and electronic influences into unique, memorable tunes.

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